Super Mom hits the snooze

No one can ever accuse me of being a morning person. I certainly don’t jump out of the bed and bid the day a cheery “hello”. No, I’m definitely a hit the snooze button several times kind of gal and I make no apologies for the fact that I prefer the quiet of late night to the tranquility of early morning. That might account for how and why my mind was able to trick me that morning a few years back.

That night ended like so many of my mid-winter nights, writing emails into the wee hours of the morning, making a list of all the things I would like to get to the next day knowing that many of them would probably go undone and taking the time to appreciate the sound of the telephone not ringing.

Like most moms I know, sleep is never far away once I hit the pillow and always as I drift off I think about the next morning’s routine…the alarm sounds. I hit the snooze button once – 10 more glorious minutes. The alarm sounds. I hit the snooze button again. Another 10 minutes but not so sound. The alarm sounds. Just in time for the morning school report.

Listening to the morning school report is a must any day but during the winter it is critical. “Today there is a blizzard. All schools and most businesses are closed.” Wow, I hadn’t even heard that we were expecting a storm. Typical, I never seem to have a handle on the weather or my grocery shopping. Oh well, only one real option, roll over and continue to sleep. I have learned to never argue with the school report.

Another hour goes by and my son creeps into the room. “Mom, are you getting up. We’ll be late for school.” I explain, “There’s a snow storm and school is cancelled. You go back to bed and we’ll check the news again later. Okay.”  What a welcome relief, a couple extra hours of sleep never go astray. Finally, time to face the day no matter what. I take a quick peek outside. Strange, it does seem to be so stormy, must be blowing through quickly.

Oh yeah, super moms feed their children breakfast. Considering we had the time bacon and eggs seem the best choice. Why, this is a treat, a leisurely breakfast in the middle of the week. I can only imagine what a whole bunch of days like this would be. Oh well, let’s just enjoy this one for a moment but only for a moment before the darn telephone rings. 

That’s strange, it’s the office. Who would be calling from there this morning? Am I okay? Sure, I’m okay, why wouldn’t I be okay. I didn’t show up for work and I didn’t call. Well, considering there is a snow storm why was that so unusual. No snow storm? No schools closed? All businesses are open. No way. I listened to this morning’s school report.

The children are hearing my conversation. No one is quite sure what is going on most certainly not me. I’m hearing the “Twilight Zone” theme music in the background and wonder if life hasn’t caught up with me in a big way.  Another more careful check outside confirmed the obvious, there was no snow storm.

So, what really happened? I can only offer a couple of possibilities; I forgot to set the alarm and my mind went through my morning routine without me. I think that is only fair considering how many mornings I go through my morning routine without my mind or maybe I did set my alarm and turned it off instead of hitting the snooze allowing a runaway dream to take over from there.

My children remind me often about that very strange morning. They are not shy about telling there friends about how they got to pip off school because Mom dreamed there was a snow storm. Me, I just smile at how my mind or maybe body got the better of me. And many mornings now when I hit the snooze button I wonder will it be 10 glorious minutes or a morning of leisure?

Letting Go

Early in my career as a mother, my own mother’s advice to me simply stated that the greatest gift I could give my children was independence. That seemed easy enough considering they were only young at the time. I was actually quite open to my children being independent. From potty training to feeding themselves I eagerly cheered; “bring it on”. Who doesn’t want to see their little ones conquer all those milestones that we have so carefully marked as important; first tooth, first word, and first step? We encourage each and every one of these as if our own worth as a parent is measured by their triumphant execution. However my mother forgot to tell me that to give this wonderful gift of dependence I would have to “let go”.

Those early years are so amazing. Each and every day brings something new and from our vantage point as parents it is even more exciting as we anticipate what is next. I was no different from many other young mothers, reveling in it all until that dreaded “first day of school.” Sure I was committed to this child’s independence but did he really have to walk across the street into that schoolyard every morning by himself for that to happen? It is a good thing that day one at school allows every parent to pretend that they travel to school with their children just to be a part of one of those “firsts” never once admitting how totally unprepared they are for this first experience of “letting go”.

Once I survived my “first day of school” I heaved a big sigh of relief thinking that’s behind me. Oh no, two years later the very same feelings and all the same fears. It was then that I began to realize why my mother felt it so necessary to share the importance allowing independence with me. This is no easy thing and it doesn’t get any easier.

I graduated from the walk across the road to the primary school to a bus to the elementary school. I know it sounds simple enough, oh no. It is scary. There are new and even bigger dangers lurking around every corner; older and bigger kids traveling alongside your son or daughter. Each time that I felt the urge to pile them into my car and drive them I would hear my mother’s words, take a deep breath and carry on.

I now have had many years of practicing this concept of “letting go” and my kids and I squarely disagree on how well I have performed. I give myself an “A” for all the times I choked back my fears and allowed them to face the challenges of growing up. They on the other hand would probably give me a “C” for all the times I wasn’t ready for their next steps.

I still believe that what my mother said was so true and I tried to always consider whether the decisions I made on behalf of my children held them back or held them up. Either way I would like to pass my mother’s advice along to you because at some time in the process of growing up children will need to make decisions for themselves and they need to know how.

So, here I am at probably the most difficult stage of this process of “letting go”. With four young adults ranging from 19 – 22, one getting ready to graduate from university in this spring, and three not far behind, they all now ask for the car keys and each definitely believe that a curfew is only for me and the dog. I find myself facing more “firsts” than ever. As the optimist that I am I keep hoping for it to get easier but no such luck. I still struggle with letting them make choices that I know from my experience they will regret. Exams and reports are perfect examples of me taking a far too active role in their decisions on when and how long to study. Then there are those things can have an even bigger impact like backing out of the driveway too fast…far too fast. (I hope you are reading this.)

I think I’m finally getting it, not that either of the four in this house would entirely agree with me. I on the other hand am quite proud of the fact that I am more excited than scared of the next couple of years where each leaving home will be inevitable. 

So, thanx Mom for that great advice.