On October 2008, I was invited to be the survivor speaker at the CIBC Run for the Cure.
What follows is most of my speech that morning…
“On April 26, 2006 I received the news that most women dread to hear. The results of my biopsy were positive for breast cancer. I remember how strange that moment felt.
Although nothing had yet changed… in an instant everything had changed.
My story is like the stories of many others standing here this morning but for each of us it is a personal journey and my journey started with an unsettling feeling. Despite everything I had read and heard about breast cancer I really didn’t know much about the road ahead.
Telling my family was the very difficult first step in my journey. No one ever wants to bring suffering to their family. I felt sad to have to do so. They of course didn’t see it that way at all. I’m forever grateful for their love and support.
Breast cancer is a world of non-invasive, invasive, stages, grades, ER, PR and Her2. I was overwhelmed with the decisions. What surgeon, lumpectomy vs. mastectomy, localization, sentinel node biopsy, lymph edema, chemo, radiation, white blood cell counts, wigs, scarves and/or hats.
There were definitely days when I ascribed to the philosophy “if I put my hands over my eyes then no one can see me”…it offered only momentary comfort… reality was never far away.
As with most journeys I also learned things. I learned to gather information so I could make decisions. I bought every book at Chapters on the subject and read and read. I was afraid of making a wrong decision and often didn’t feel brave enough to make any decision.
I was blessed that I knew others willing to share their stories with me. Gerry Rogers and Ann Marie Anonsen, my lymph nodes owe you a debt of gratitude. Julie Bettney, your very encouraging words and the book you sent helped me to keep my sights on the light at the end of the tunnel.
Now I make an effort to “Pay it Forward”. I take the time to talk with newly diagnosed breast cancer patients. I lend my books and my 5 years of Golden Girls on DVD because to laugh throughout this journey is sometimes the very best medicine.
My journey took me through surgery, (a mastectomy), a sentinel node biopsy, pathologies were; stage 2, high grade, triple negative, invasive breast cancer. The surgery had gotten all the cancer with good margins. Treatment was chemo and only chemo; six treatments of three drugs including the infamous “red devil”.
I struggled with the decision to do the chemo treatments. I had read so many stories of people opting out of chemo and wondered if I could follow that path. However; after much soul searching I agreed to move forward with the chemo.
To make chemo as bearable as possible I was often joined by family and close friends. We sometimes created a little chaos at the chemo unit. A big thank you to each of my chemo buddies. You rock!
Then I flunked chemo!!! I can say that now and smile but living it was something that I would rather forget.
Treatment 1 & 2: Routine…no surprises except the rapid hair lost!
Treatment 3: I began to struggle.
Treatment 4: Not good at all. Even though my blood work was exactly what we could expect. My general health was not so good and I began to consider not continuing. This decision was the most difficult but in the end I signed on for the fifth chemo treatment.
That fifth treatment was October 5th, 2006. It seemed routine enough but 5 days later on October 10th, I collapsed in my driveway.
The damage was significant. My right leg didn’t want to cooperate at all, I experienced vision reduction in both eyes and the hearing in my right ear was crackly. Core strength, balance and hand-eye coordination were greatly reduced.
It was a lot to absorb. The good news was that there was every expectation that these symptoms would reverse as the blood clot dissolved and the dissection healed but in that moment of time I was again faced with “now what”.
Well, no more chemo!!! The risks now outweighed the benefits.
I came home a few weeks later to personal care, a walker, eye patches and headaches that never went away.
The next several months were the darkest of my journey. After a few weeks I was well enough to not need 24 hour care but not well enough to get back to my life. I was struggling with a combination of disappointment and anger.
I think that being a survivor is more than surviving the disease but surviving the incredible changes that comes along with the disease, the physical and mental changes, financial and social changes. I remember fighting back the tears when the cashier at Costco insisted that the person on my card wasn’t me.
By August of 2007 I made a decision to dedicate all my energy to reclaiming “me”. It was a great decision.
A good friend helped me find someone who was willing to design a rehab program specific to my needs.
Two years later I feel privileged to be speaking to you at this amazing event.
Why are we here…well…a recent stat reports that: In 2008, it is estimated that 360 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in
It is only through research that we will develop better treatments, a cure and ultimately prevent all women from the threat of breast cancer.
Have a great run…”
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